Thoughts on the Atlanta Shooting, Anti-Asian Sentiment, and Microaggressions
Over the past few days, there have been so many thoughts running through my mind. While I’m grateful for the outpouring of support for AAPI people across the nation, it was also a stark reminder that for a lot of Americans, they think that hatred towards Asian Americans was a relatively recent thing. There is a tendency to underscore discrimination against Asian Americans, because for so long, we were considered “the model minority”. It took something so unnecessarily violent and cruel for people’s eyes to be opened that we’ve been suffering for a long time.
One thing that has come up over and over again since Tuesday is the downplaying on the motives of the killer. I cannot tell you how hurtful this is and how seeing this retraumatized each and every single Asian American who are still dwelling in this hurt. Of course, this ranges from Captain Jay Baker who tried to pacify the nation by saying the killer “had a bad day” to people who are shifting the motivation towards the killer’s so-called sex addiction.
One thing people don’t realize is that we as a society have been so ingrained to treat sex workers as less than. If you think about it — reading articles talking about the Atlanta shooting as a hate crime towards Asians should make everyone’s blood boil. Reading this as a crime against sex workers will inevitably shift a portion of people away from that anger, and instead they will deflect that anger into focusing on the problems of sex addiction. Or even worse, victim blaming. This is not okay.
But I will briefly address sex addiction because that seems to be the fixation of so many people. I read an article in the New York Times about the unspoken reputation of massage parlors. While two of the massage parlors that the killer targeted were on lists of massage parlors that had potential sex workers working there, one of them was just your run-of-the-mill, massage place.
That should tell us one very important thing — that the killer’s problem is not his sex addiction. His problem is his sexualization and fetish of Asian women. He targeted one massage place that would not be able to provide him sex or feed into his temptation. Yet, he claims it was a place of temptation. If massage parlors were so tempting, why didn’t he shoot up a Massage Envy, or a Swedish massage place, or any other Euro massage place? Why didn’t he shoot up an adult video store or a sex shop? He chose Asian establishments for a reason.
It is so mind boggling and so disappointing to see people, especially Christians, focusing on the sin of sex addiction and putting that as the focal point instead of racism. If you cannot see how racism is ultimately the driving force of the killer’s motives, I’m pretty sure nothing can convince you otherwise. If you are saying this as a church leader, Asian Americans who go to your church will never feel safe.
I cannot even begin to tell you in the past three days how many times that me or my friends have been mansplained by a white person on why the shootings in Atlanta weren’t racially motivated and that by them talking about the sex addiction, they’re not erasing the fact that the killer was racist, when in fact that is their goal.
If you are not Asian American, and you’re confused as to why all of a sudden your Asian American friends are mad. It’s not all of a sudden. We’ve been mad, you just haven’t been paying attention. Undoubtedly, if you grew up Asian in America, from a young age you had to tolerate comments from your white peers about your lunch or your clothes. And if you’re a female, you’ve gotten catcalled with Asian slurs as you grew older.
If you are not Asian, you need to understand our culture. We’re a culture that respects our elders. We hold people who have come before us in high regard. That’s why when we see an Asian elderly person get shoved on the sidewalk or brutally attacked, we are angry and we mourn for them. To us, it’s extra hurtful because it was done not to the most vulnerable person, but to the person who deserves the most respect. Speaking of respect, do you know how disrespectful it is to demand something of your parents? Yet, I’ve had to call my parents and sob and beg them to not go outside because it’s not safe for them. I had to beg them to stop walking even in their neighborhood, because they could be next.
If you’re a woman, you know what it’s like to go out after dark. You feel a little more scared. Do you know what it’s like to be scared all the time now? I do my grocery shopping right when the stores open, so I can get in and get out. Do you know what it feels like that when you go out, your phone is automatically in camera mode in case you need to record an attack?
If you think I’m exaggerating, I’m not. I’ve been on the receiving end of countless microaggressions and racism and I know that left unchecked, these things escalate. Do you know what it feels like when people ask you where you’re from before knowing anything else about you? And if I answer “California”, they rephrase the question to “but where were you born?” followed by “are you a citizen?”. Do you know what it feels like when people ask me if I’m Chinese, and I say “no I’m Taiwanese”, they respond with “it’s the same thing”. Do you know what it feels like when people find out I married a white man, and they ask me why I didn’t marry my own kind? Do you know what it’s like when people downplay your accomplishments because “Asians are supposed to be good at music and business”. Do you know what it feels like to always have people relegate you to doing computer work or working with a calculator because of your skin color?
On top of that, encountering instances where strangers make slant eyes at you, saying “ni hao” in the most bizarre accent, or shouting ching chong at you. If you think these instances are harmless, then you need to look deep inside your own heart and examine the deep rooted hate you currently hold.
For far too long, we’ve bottled up these microaggressions and outright acts of racism because as Asians, we’re taught to not be a burden unto others. So instead, we carry those wounds and scars with us in quiet dignity.
If you are reading this and you are a fellow Asian American brother or sister, and you are hurting, I am here hurting with you. I see you and I’m here for you. If you are not Asian American and you’ve been tirelessly advocating for us. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. The relief I feel that someone is willing to take on my burden without me asking is amazing and I’m forever grateful. If you are not Asian American and you haven’t done anything besides typing “thoughts and prayers”, just remember that we need allies everywhere to stop hate, stop racism, and stop white supremacy. We need allies who will not dilute our narrative or make us feel like our opinions don’t matter. If you see your friends or co-workers do that, please educate them to do better.
